Why Cry When You Can Laugh?

It may sound cruel but I laugh at "yo mom" jokes and other profanities about my misfortunes. Sometimes I feel guilty but then I realize would they really want me moping around and crying or would they want me to live my life. So what if they're dead... I'm not. I do miss them but that doesn't mean all is forgiven, nor that I want to be depressed. So I laugh in fact I encourage people to treat me as if my parents (and grandparents) are still around. In fact today me and my friend started cracking up about a error in communications. We were watching something on youtube and the movie "Bambi" was brought up and I mentioned that it was a sad movie. She asked how so I looked at her. Then she had a horrified look on her face and apologized immediately.  When I realized what went through her mind I  started laughing and said "Noooo that's not what I meant! I didn't even think about it in that way I was just saying it was sad..." blah blah blah. Anyways we both had a huge laugh about it. Granted everyone takes things differently but if you ever lose someone don't instantly think that you have to defend yourself over every little thing. If you go on like normal and treat these things like you normally would instead of huffing and puffing every time a little piggy let's the wrong choice of words slip then you're just going to remind yourself of the pain. Don't get me wrong though it's perfectly healthy to cry but I'm just saying it's easier to save the tears for personal time and enjoy the life you still have.

Goals for a New School Year

I hate this time of year because it gets cold and grey and reminds me of bad times. The main thing it reminds me of when I look up at the cold grey sky is my mothers funeral. The cold air, the grey sky, the ground that was solid and moist with the snow... the darkness in the hole before the coffin was placed in the ground. Yeah I hate this time of year... but I'm determined to keep dry eyes and go throughout the school without having to miss a class or even a whole day because of depression and tears. Even when I am depressed I smile and laugh not from force but because I know it won't bring anyone back by being depressed or uppity about yo ma jokes. I'm not sure what I'm getting at but I just know it's nice to get things off my chest while being anonymous... and someday I would like to help others who have to know this kind of sorrow.